Hello 2018


2017 was not a good year of blogging for me since apparently, I only posted once and it was quite a... sad entry. Here's to changing the frequency of my posts, haha! ;)

Other than that, 2017 was a year that was pretty fulfilling and illuminating for me. I held on to my current job, had a promotion, met new wonderful colleagues, connected with old awesome colleagues. I made time for my family, ate more often and went out more often with them whenever I have the time to. I went on my vacation with my friends for the first time instead of just my family and it probably made us wiser about each other.

Two years ago, I could never hold on to a job for more than a year. Routine was my nemesis. I graduated and decided to take a chance and leave the office jobs situation I felt bound to, because I had a nerdy degree. Of course, a certain restaurant took a chance on me too and hired me. I can proudly say I worked from the bottom up to where I am now. I’m not the best, I’ve made my fair share of mistakes, but I feel that I’m learning more than I have ever been, even after leaving the classrooms. All the soft skills that the best schools can’t teach me, I receive the knowledge from this job. I’m thankful for all the mentors that taught me everything, especially this one person who never went easy on me from day one. (I would mention names but, I’ll keep things anonymous here for privacy concerns, haha.) I’m still learning to this day, past one and a half year into the job. I’ve been given a chance to prove myself yet again, though I’m exhausted at the end of most days, I’ll still try my best. Still making mistakes, but still trying. 

This leads me to be superbly thankful for my family. They never questioned my decision to start part-time university over four years ago. They knew I was unhappy with my (now somewhat irrelevant) diploma but I ploughed through because I didn’t want to waste my dad’s money. I paid for my own degree but my family always asked if I needed help when it came around to the time for paying my school fees. When I graduated, I didn’t attend the ceremony because I had accepted the job I mentioned above, and my family was fine even though I was probably the only blood-related child they had to graduate a university of any kind. Finally, I feel really blessed that they had zero judgmental feelings towards my choice of not pursuing the field I now held a degree in, but veered a 180-degree into the food industry where I had zero experience in. Their only concerns were my physical condition, and if I was happy doing it. This might not seem like a big deal to most, but coming from an Chinese family, let’s just say that sometimes, the stereotypical ones you see on TV do exist... and I have encountered these distant relatives questioning my path. However, the people who truly matter to me don’t mind my bizarre choices, and I think that is what counts the most. 

I’m also really thankful to the handful of friends who kept me around and accepted whenever I decided to not drown in work. First to Cindy and Zoe for always having my back, always accommodating to my schedule so that we can have our regular dinners together. Thankful to them for reminding me to take a break from work when I hit the one-year mark earlier on and I told them I felt really tested by my job. To that, it was a timely and much needed reminder. Maybe even because of them, that I am still where I am at my job progression. :) Then to Elaine, who started a twitter project with me while I didn’t have a crazy schedule, who accepted my apology so quickly I (still) feel bad because I couldn’t cope with being an active project mate and my new schedule. This badass lady E has got one kickass time management skill. I couldn’t name all of the people who dropped me messages when I had issues facing a boy but special thanks to Maraia, I’ve always felt you are too kind to me! T_T And of course, Irene, who is always up for a Mayday concert, I’m not the most exciting person to be with but thank you for still thinking I am fun enough. :’) 

Finally, I’m still single, have been since I was born. I had “things” that went on but never came to fruition. I almost always never feel I am enough when it comes too close to being together. I feel confident and happy with my friends and by myself but when it comes to being the partner to someone that I need to... open up to, I just feel I have so many insufficiencies and too many flaws. Maybe I cannot deal with that, or that subconsciously, I refuse to. This has given me so much grief, but my heart still refuses to be frozen, despite how much I pride to be cold and unfeeling outside. I’m drawn to sad things, at least I think so, haha. This is such a weird ending to such a feeling-full post, but I really just want to get out of this crazy cycle of liking someone and subsequently despising myself for it. And because I am in one right now.

2018.

I no longer set resolutions, but I want to strive towards feeling comfortable in my own skin.

I also want to do things, instead of just saying that I want to do things. I currently have just two things:

  • Creating my first physical enamel pin
  • Finishing one story lying in my Google drive
Sounds easy, but if you know my track record, then you know I have tall tasks. 

I took whatever 2017 gave to me, but 2018, I will fight you. I will fight you. 

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